TO DO: Spa Day Reward

I kinda suck at the whole “take care of yourself” thing. I don’t take care of my skin, my hair, my nails. I’ve told you before about my haircuts and how terrible I am with that. In my entire life, even through a six-week modeling course, I have never once plucked a single hair on my body. It’s all just kinda foreign to me.

But lately, I’ve been desperately craving a spa day.

I want to lounge in a seat while someone expertly paints my toenails. I want to get my eyebrows shaped and have a nice refreshing facial. I want to get my hair did and done. In a perfect world, I’d get a relaxing massage too!

And I have begun putting the gears in motion.

I told The Boyfriend that I will make all the doctors, dentists, optometrist appointments if and only if, he makes me a spa day appointment. It’s a task that I need to get done but for some reason cannot make myself do it. Firstly, I am deathly afraid of dentists. The idea of any of us having to go see a dentist, scares the crap out of me. The rest, I’m not sure why it seems like such a chore for me, but it’s been on my to-do list for years and I just keep making excuses.

Maybe if I have a reward to look forward to at the end of it (other than knowing we’re all somewhat healthy), it won’t be so hard for me to do it!

The Boyfriend liked the idea a lot. He liked it mainly for the idea of me treating myself to something. He always gets a kick out of treating me like a princess, although never thinks to do it himself – I think mainly because he’s afraid I’ll reject it.

So now, he has to:

  • Find a spa
  • Book me a…
    • Mani/Pedi
    • Eyebrow Threading (because I’ve always wanted to try it! Especially over waxing)
    • Facial
    • Haircut

And then I have to:

  • Find out how each of the kids are covered under their Dad’s healthcare – the older three with Alfie and Carter with The Boyfriend
  • Call our doctor who we haven’t seen in about four years
  • Find a dentist for the whole family and book first appointments
  • Find an optomotrist for the whole family and book appointments

Geez, just writing that out makes my palms sweaty. So much work but it’s gotta get done and at least I’ll get a spa day out of the deal 😉

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TO WRITE: A Collection of My Years of Blogging

I’ve had this idea of late. I’ve been blogging on and off since I was about 14. I’m 28 now, so you figure, that’s about 14 years of blogging – almost half my life! I say almost and about because I have always tended to take extended breaks from blogging.

And there’s a lot of content. Lots and lots of content.

And right now, it’s strewn all over the internet.

I think it could be interesting to collect some of my best pieces, snippets and quotes from over the years, from all the different blogs, and gather it and put it into a nice organized eBook, maybe with some commentary from my present perspective or something similar. It could also add some of my favorite posts from places like Twitter and Facebook and be a sort of collection of my last 14 or so years on the interwebs…

It’s a very rough idea, as you can tell, but it’s swarming around in my brain like a flock of locusts.

Anyone have any experience doing this? Any words of advice?

 

TO GET: A Guitar

It’s been a really long time since I last owned a guitar.

I got my first guitar when I was about 13. It was actually a present for my brother but he wasn’t interested in learning electric guitar and I was, so I kinda perma-borrowed his guitar. I learnt most of my guitar knowledge from my punk rock boyfriend who was taking guitar lessons during our time together.

Back then, I mostly stuck with electric guitars. I liked to play things with power chords and my playlist consisted of things like AFI’s “Morningstar” or Rancid’s “Who Would’ve Thought” or Against Me’s “Baby, I’m an Anarchist” and then a bunch of really dark and depressing “poems”. I basically stayed playing this way through all of my first relationship and most of my second.

Then my Dad started coming around and bringing acoustic guitars. I really like the way acoustic guitars sound and the fact that you don’t need to have an amp to really sound great. I decided that I liked acoustic over electric far better and have hardly touched an electric-only ever since.

When Alfie and I broke up (that’s the second relationship, by the way) and The Boyfriend and I got together, I had an acoustic guitar. Neither The Boyfriend or I can remember whatever happened to that guitar, but for my birthday the first year we were together, he decided to get me a guitar.

I called her My Muse. I couldn’t tell you a thing about what brand she was or what she was made out of or anything like that – except that she was an electric/acoustic with a built in tuner, but her sound was just so good to me. I wrote songs for the first time in five years with her and to me that was a pretty big deal. And she was just so lovely. I seriously miss this guitar so much that sometimes when I think of her, I honestly get emotional.

She didn’t last long at all. All the kids were right at this age where destroying everything was just about the most fun ever. Even though she had a good sturdy gig case and even though we tried really hard, one night, the kids ended up crushing her. I was seriously so upset about it…

I did end up having one more guitar after this. I don’t remember what happened to this one either except that one day I had it and the next day I didn’t. After that, I decided that I had gone through too many guitars, I needed to take a break from guitars. Especially when there were so many other instruments out there that I want to learn to play.

I’ve been stuck trying to learn piano/keyboards now for a good four years. Let me just say, I’m a thousand percent better at guitar. And now that my kids are older and less likely to break a precious gem of mine, I want a guitar.

It will definitely be an acoustic. I like the built-in tuners a lot – while I tune by ear, I like to get that E string as accurate as possible to go off of – so, it will definitely have one of those. I’d really like to find something that has a clear, crisp sound that just vibrates down my spine the way My Muse did. And I’ve always really wanted designs on my fretboard instead of just the regular old dots.

Ugh… Now I’m dreaming of guitars… Thanks list *shakes fist*!

TO DO: Get My Hair Did!

I don’t often do much with my hair…

In the past, I’ve had all sorts of interesting hair. I went from long, straight, blah hair to a short bob to a mohawk that landed me in the local newspaper. Then I shaved that off, grew it out, shaved off what grew and then got long layers that bored me to death.

What I have now is a good four years of not getting it cut and just doing the odd color here and there. Here’s a basic look at the hair:

That's Me!

That’s Me!

It reaches down to the top of my hips and a good six inches of it is just dead hair. Currently, it’s dyed a kind of purplish red. I only recently started dying my hair and I generally stick with browns and reddish colors, although honestly, it’s not doing much in the way of changing a lick of anything. This last dye-job, The Boyfriend’s response was, “You can hardly tell”. I have a lot of gray hair interspersed everywhere too, although I can’t say I hate that. I hope to gray gracefully, just like my Mom.

I only know how to do about three things where my hair is concerned. I can do a simple braid, I can put it in a pony tail and I’m relatively decent with gel. Outside of that, I seriously suck. Curls don’t stay in my hair because it’s too thin, it’s unbearably straight and holds styles for very short periods of time and it’s seriously stubborn.

I’ve wanted to go and get it cut for a really long time now, although I can honestly say I’m a little scared to. I’ve had my hair this long for a long time, it feels like it’s going to be a huge change to do anything with it. Plus, I have no idea what I’ll look like with shorter hair now, because the last time I had short hair, was when I was still skinny, pre-Carter.

I often go into hairdressers and give them a basic length limitation and say that I need something relatively low-maintenance because I’m a hair idiot, but otherwise surprise me. This has always resulted in long layers. Well, I am just plain done with the long layers!

I keep thinking that I want to go dramatically short. I loved when I had short hair. It was the most attention I ever paid to my hair. And I think a lot of people would agree that it totally suits my personality. I’ve been thinking either something like Kaley Cuoco’s new haircut

Kaley Cuoco

Kaley Cuoco

or maybe something like Ginnifer Goodwin’s for short styles.

Ginnifer Goodwin

Ginnifer Goodwin

The last time I went from long hair to really short hair, I cried. I don’t know why and I don’t want to repeat the experience. So, I often think that maybe starting small and just going a couple inches at a time is smarter, but then I also know me. Chances are I’d just get comfortable with the length for another 4 years and we’d be right back where we started… Here.

I used to be able to take risks with my appearance and now, I’m just so stuck in a rut, and I’m done! Any thoughts?

TO HAVE: A FFM Threesome

For many years of my life, I was kind of known for threesomes. Alfie and I had joked with a friend once about having a threesome and next thing you know, we’re having threesomes constantly. Really, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but every couple of months, pregnant or not, we’d find some poor sucker to join us in the bedroom.

It was probably the only area of Alfie and I’s relationship where we had any clear and defined boundaries. Or at least, that was true for all the MFM threesomes we had. And they were all so uncomplicated. Only one MFM experience was a bad one and even at that, if I were in a different un-pregnated headspace for that one, I probably wouldn’t have ever though it was a bad experience.

However, with women, it was always bad. Twice we tried and twice we failed so miserably that I lost friends and he gained some. I kissed a girl with braces and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. I got insecure with another girl and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. Both times ended with me down in my room crying and him carrying on like nothing had happened…

And you’d think the two bad experiences would turn me off the concept entirely. You’d think I’d be so hung up on it. And yet, here I sit, still wishing I could have a successful FFM threesome.

I don’t know what it is about it that is such an attractant to me, even after my bad experiences. I mean, of course, I just want to be with a woman without a man’s presence. But, I also want to be with a woman with a man’s presence. Something about the duality of it… The feminine and the masculine.

I know what a threesome feels like, and I know what it feels like when it’s two guys. But what does it feel like when it’s two girls and it’s comfortable like it is with two guys? What does it feel like to be getting the best of both genders at the exact same moment?

I need to know!!

TO DO: Get Back to Twitter

Forgive me Internet, for I have neglected.

It has been 13 months (exactly!) since I last posted to my personal Twitter account.

Whew! I feel a little bit better. Ugh, now that that weight has been lifted off my shoulders, can I just say, I cannot wait to get back to Twitter. I don’t even know what ever happened to make me stop tweeting…

It’s that time of year where I say that I’m not going to make resolutions then go right on making them all over the place. This year however, I am not living in denial and I am just outright saying that I’m setting some resolutions. Maybe it will result in me actually accomplishing something, who knows?!?

So, my first official resolution for 2015 (and even though I’ve already given it away), drumroll please…

I am totally coming back to Twitter. January 1st, come rain or come shine, no matter what device I’m forced to use, I will be tweeting again!

Until then, be sure to follow me on Twitter and enjoy this collection of 13 of my favorite Twitter memories (for the 13 months I’ve been gone).

TO DO: YouTube…

I’ve always been on YouTube… I’ve always had a channel in one incarnation or another, I’ve always been on YouTube, but I’ve never really stayed on YouTube… And I really have always wanted that to change and over the last couple of months, that desire just keeps growing stronger and stronger. Tonight, it is nagging me very loudly…

I don’t remember when it was that I first joined YouTube, but it was a really long time ago. I initially signed up thinking I wanted to be able to easily save all the videos I was watching and loving. This was way back in the day when I watched a lot of YouTube. Then, when I realized you could upload stuff to YouTube, it didn’t take me long to jump on that bandwagon.

I’m pretty sure my first real-live video on YouTube (which I think I later deleted and only recently recovered from Facebook where I had also uploaded it) was of my then year old daughter Kaeidyn freaking out that I should play “Daddy’s Getting Married” by Bif Naked on the guitar, as I was playing it. Once she realizes, she goes crazy. This was that video:

Next, I uploaded some more guitar playing and eventually deleted my original channel and all the great videos I had amassed doing that (although it was probably only about 13). I came back a few years later with a couple more guitar covers and a few piano covers and a couple videos the kids had made or whatever and then basically just abandoned my channel.

I still have it, but havent uploaded anything to it since my cover of The White Sripes “Fell in Love with a Girl”. I had had this big plan then to come back with a regular occurence of videos and with all these ideas and then life blew up and took a crap all over itself and the idea was abandoned just like the channel.

A few months ago, The Boyfriend started talking about YouTube all the time. He is, as I’ve probably said before, a little obsessed with gaming. He always says that he needs to start making YouTube videos about games. And over the past few weeks, more and more everyday, I’m thinking about how I miss doing the YouTube thing and that I’ve never done it the way that I want to do it and I want to do it…

Now, it’s just a matter of taking the steps that go from thinking to doing, because I’ve done so darn much of the thinking that the only option left is to start some of the doing. And in the last 30 minutes alone, I’ve come up with so many concepts for things that I’d like to be doing, that I just keep saying to myself, “So, just do it…!”.

I also have all of The Erotic Writers Group stuff to consider as well, because more than getting my personal self out on YouTube, I want to get this going without a doubt. I have so many great ideas for The Erotic Writers Group on YouTube. Previously we did our group hangouts “Tuesday Topics” and to a great succes, by my awesomely low standards. And I always wanted to do more…

I have files and files of online documents dedicated to all of my great ideas for all of these great videos for all of these great enterprises (ie. Myself and The Erotic Writers Group, duh!), and I’m sick of sitting on all of it. I’m sick of letting all of these opportunities pass me by.

It’s time to just suck it up and do YouTube!

TO WRITE: Something Non-Erotic and Fictional

I do write non-erotic fiction, I’m almost absolutely sure of it! For many years now my main focus has been erotic fiction and erotic non-fiction and any other writing is in the form of articles or resource pieces.

Prior to erotica, I stuck mostly to poetry – that I would then add to music and make a song out of. It’s been a really long time since I last wrote a song and I’m pretty sure my last masterpiece was an on-the-spot piece consisting of two chords and words that rhymed with “tree”, thus making this song “The Tree”. Could I tell you anything about the song now? Nope!

What I’d really like to experiment with is sci-fi/fantasy writing, but I’ve often found that I struggle intensly with it. Especially being that I’m not a huge fan of reading it and so far the only fantasy/sci-fi type books that I’ve gotten into (thanks to The Boyfriend) is R.A. Salvatore’s Legend of Drizzt series (seriously love this character!).

I’d also really like to try my hand at some literary humor. I tend to not even try to be funny in writing. Sarcastic sometimes or maybe darkly witty, but rarely ever outright funny. The smiles on people’s faces during reading any of my pieces would probably be more devious than one of sincere and genuine humor.

I’m kind of not sure where to start with this one. If it doesn’t involve sex or intimacy, I’m kind of lost on what to do with characters and plots. I don’t get ideas in my head about non-erotic things or non-educational things very often, so it’s kind of like fishing in the dark and seeing what I come out with.

The Boyfriend has been working on two stories, very sporadically, that I would eventually like to contribute to. I feel like I could tell the story so much more differently than him, but inspired by his original storyline, that it could be a very interesting thing to do. However, he would totally have to finish one of them for me to do that with 😉

TO WRITE: Finish The Brighton Tales

A few years back, after reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by Anne Rice writing as A.N. Roquelaure, I was suddenly very inspired to write a story that it seemed I had been waiting my whole life to write.

The characters became vivid personalities in my mind and the plot spurted out without any force at all. I clearly saw the Kingdom of Brighton in all her glory and quickly knew that this was a tale of duty, honor, sacrifice, dominance, submission and most importantly, sex.

I sat in front of my computer and in 3 days had easily hashed out thousands of words on this story that nagged me with urgency. I remember complaining often that my hands hurt from typing so much so fast and the whole time The Boyfriend was commenting jealously, as his own story that he had imagined his whole life, sat untouched for weeks.

After this 3 day explosion of writing, I re-read what I wrote. And I realized that this was definitely the pre-first draft version. But I needed to get it down, get it out and it’s been an amazing framework to build off of. However, I’ve only been building ever since and I get stuck right around the same part every single time and therefore, The Brighton Tales is no closer to the end than it was when it began.

More and more everyday, I hear the characters that I’ve already written and the ones that I haven’t put to paper, calling me to finish their story. I have visions of the beautiful kingdom, the castle dungeon and the way of these people from another time, another place and how they lived their lives and the legacies they left behind. My thoughts are immersed in and consumed by The Brighton Tales.

And this is the reason why I MUST finish writing this story.

I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to do it just yet. I’m experimenting with a few different options at the moment. I have some notes going in Google Drive, of course. This is where I tend to just slap my thoughts as they come along. Then, to organize that, I’m using LitLift, sorta. I was using it a lot and then it slowly started being used less often. I look at it pretty often…

My main focus is just to continue to write what I visualize and eventually it’ll all come together. I tend to get lost in doing things like character sheets or thinking about how I’m going to make it even better writing. But really, I just need to finish the story! Stop trying to force perfection and just let it happen naturally.

You can see that pre-first draft version here on the old Rantings. Just remember that it’s just a framework! And you can always follow My Writing & Erotica to stay updated on how The Brighton Tales is coming along.