TO WRITE: A Collection of My Years of Blogging

I’ve had this idea of late. I’ve been blogging on and off since I was about 14. I’m 28 now, so you figure, that’s about 14 years of blogging – almost half my life! I say almost and about because I have always tended to take extended breaks from blogging.

And there’s a lot of content. Lots and lots of content.

And right now, it’s strewn all over the internet.

I think it could be interesting to collect some of my best pieces, snippets and quotes from over the years, from all the different blogs, and gather it and put it into a nice organized eBook, maybe with some commentary from my present perspective or something similar. It could also add some of my favorite posts from places like Twitter and Facebook and be a sort of collection of my last 14 or so years on the interwebs…

It’s a very rough idea, as you can tell, but it’s swarming around in my brain like a flock of locusts.

Anyone have any experience doing this? Any words of advice?

 

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TO GET: A Guitar

It’s been a really long time since I last owned a guitar.

I got my first guitar when I was about 13. It was actually a present for my brother but he wasn’t interested in learning electric guitar and I was, so I kinda perma-borrowed his guitar. I learnt most of my guitar knowledge from my punk rock boyfriend who was taking guitar lessons during our time together.

Back then, I mostly stuck with electric guitars. I liked to play things with power chords and my playlist consisted of things like AFI’s “Morningstar” or Rancid’s “Who Would’ve Thought” or Against Me’s “Baby, I’m an Anarchist” and then a bunch of really dark and depressing “poems”. I basically stayed playing this way through all of my first relationship and most of my second.

Then my Dad started coming around and bringing acoustic guitars. I really like the way acoustic guitars sound and the fact that you don’t need to have an amp to really sound great. I decided that I liked acoustic over electric far better and have hardly touched an electric-only ever since.

When Alfie and I broke up (that’s the second relationship, by the way) and The Boyfriend and I got together, I had an acoustic guitar. Neither The Boyfriend or I can remember whatever happened to that guitar, but for my birthday the first year we were together, he decided to get me a guitar.

I called her My Muse. I couldn’t tell you a thing about what brand she was or what she was made out of or anything like that – except that she was an electric/acoustic with a built in tuner, but her sound was just so good to me. I wrote songs for the first time in five years with her and to me that was a pretty big deal. And she was just so lovely. I seriously miss this guitar so much that sometimes when I think of her, I honestly get emotional.

She didn’t last long at all. All the kids were right at this age where destroying everything was just about the most fun ever. Even though she had a good sturdy gig case and even though we tried really hard, one night, the kids ended up crushing her. I was seriously so upset about it…

I did end up having one more guitar after this. I don’t remember what happened to this one either except that one day I had it and the next day I didn’t. After that, I decided that I had gone through too many guitars, I needed to take a break from guitars. Especially when there were so many other instruments out there that I want to learn to play.

I’ve been stuck trying to learn piano/keyboards now for a good four years. Let me just say, I’m a thousand percent better at guitar. And now that my kids are older and less likely to break a precious gem of mine, I want a guitar.

It will definitely be an acoustic. I like the built-in tuners a lot – while I tune by ear, I like to get that E string as accurate as possible to go off of – so, it will definitely have one of those. I’d really like to find something that has a clear, crisp sound that just vibrates down my spine the way My Muse did. And I’ve always really wanted designs on my fretboard instead of just the regular old dots.

Ugh… Now I’m dreaming of guitars… Thanks list *shakes fist*!

TO DO: #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters

As the creator of The Erotic Writers Group, I’m often coming up with challenges and prompts for our group’s #DailyChallenge over on Challenge Central, where you can get #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters every single day.

Since I’m coming up with them, I think it’s only appropriate that I participate every once and awhile. How can I expect others to, if I don’t?

Over time, I have participated in a few of the challenges. My first one was a 250 word #WordcountWednesday submission. Most recently, I submitted a sex song called Deeper Into Me for #SaturdaySerenade. Every once and awhile, I will submit some stuff and add it on My Writing & Erotica blog.

However, I’m sorely behind. We have just come back after quite a long hiatus and in the 3 weeks we’ve been doing the challenges, I’ve only submitted 2 or 3 pieces. Simply not good enough. So, I figured I’d create a list of all the challenges that I want to do and then challenge myself to start checking them off my list. Chances are, I’ll get none in by the submission deadline, although hooray for me if I do.

#SumItUpSundays

#SumItUpSundays

#SumItUpSundays

#MondaysMuse

#MondaysMuse

#MondaysMuse

#WordcountWednesday

#WordcountWednesday

#WordcountWednesday

#ThursdayThoughts

#ThursdayThoughts

#ThursdayThoughts

#FetishFridays

#FetishFridays

#FetishFridays

#SaturdaySerenade

#SaturdaySerenade

#SaturdaySerenade

#WritingPrompts to Use

Back in early summer of 2014, we used to add #WritingPrompts for #EroticWriters every week, five at a time. Starting this new year, we’ve been adding one a day. I decided to start collecting all the ones that I’m really interested in writing about.

I plan to continually update this list as new challenges and prompts come out and as I make submissions. It’s part of my #EroticWriters Resolutions to get going on this, so fingers crossed and all. I’ll update on Twitter when I make any changes to this list, so be sure to follow me there.

And if you’d like to learn more about these challenges, please don’t hesitate to check out Challenge Central. It’s easy to participate and you can get all the information you need there. Hope to see you there!

TO DO: #EroticWriters & #EroticReaders Resolutions 2015

Recently on The Erotic Writers Group blog, a couple of posts were published about setting resolutions as an erotic writer and an erotic reader and there was also a challenge for #EroticWriters resolutions. Today, I thought I’d take a minute to reflect on some of my writing goals for 2015.

#EroticReaders Resolutions

  1. Read 25 Books in 2015

    I’m participating in Goodreads’ yearly reading challenge. Last year, I think I put 50 books at first and then after starting my massive Sherlock Holmes, abandoned the challenge. This year, I’ve selected a more manageable number and have also started adding eBooks that I read (because I forgot you could do this on Goodreads).

  2. Write Reviews

    I’m not sure exactly how I want to go about doing this. I find that I’m often more critical of my review of things than I am of my own fictional or non-fictional writing. I struggle with giving criticisms of any kind as well, so that makes it difficult too. I mainly would really like to start publishing reviews on my Goodreads account and then venture elsewhere.

  3. Read Some Classic Erotica

    This is just kind of an ongoing role. I’ve been reading approximately one piece of classic erotica every year for the past few. Sadopaedia by Anonymous is my absolute favorite and I’ve read it about 30 times. Every couple of months I go back to it and flip through the pages. I am working on a list of book’s that I’d like to read in this genre including The Story of O and The Whippingham Papers (I’ll add it when it’s done).

  4. Join a Book Club

    Whether it’s finally getting down to making the book club I’ve always desired to make or just joining one of the many thousands of book clubs on Goodreads, I really want to try this out at some point this year. I figure that I won’t even consider it at the moment because I’m too busy elsewhere, but maybe in the summer or during back-to-school I’ll dedicate myself to it.

  5. Read More Poetry

    I tend to stick to non-fiction a lot when I’m choosing what to read. And I don’t spend nearly enough time seeking out new and interesting things to read. I’ve always wanted to spend some time reading poetry. I’ve purchased a variety of different books of poetry and save it to read all over the place, but I never really hunker down and do it. Poetry takes up a lot more mental capacity for me than other forms of reading, so I rarely dedicate myself to it. I’d like to change that.

  6. Actually Read Erotica

    Yes, I read publications from 100 years ago, but I rarely ever explore modern day erotica. Often times, I don’t know what I want to read, so I don’t know where I want to look, and I just don’t spend much time on it. But I run a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders, it’s only right that I take a few moments to actually read what they’re doing!

#EroticWriters Resolutions

  1. Regularly Post to my Writers Blog

    I made my first post to my writing blog back in July 2014 and really enjoyed participating in The Erotic Writers Group #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters. Ideally, I would be posting once a day or maybe even twice a day, one submission post and then one unrelated post. Currently, I’m nowhere near that! The goal for now is to at least post twice a week.

  2.  Complete a First Draft of The Brighton Tales

    This goal is taking me so much longer than it should. To be honest, I haven’t even looked at it since the last post I did about wanting to complete this story. At the very least, if I do nothing else on this list but this, I want to complete the first draft of The Brighton Tales. Mark my words!

  3. Participate in #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters

    I’d like to participate in every single one of them, but I know how hard I find that, especially when I’m the creator of the challenges. Sometimes it just won’t work. So I’d like to commit to doing at least one writing prompt every session and it would be fantastic if I could do every single #ThursdayThoughts and one other challenge throughout the week.

That’s all I can think of for the moment, although I’m sure that I’ll come up with more as the days go on. What are some of your resolutions this year? Be sure to stay tuned to see my progress 😉

TO DO: Knit & Sew

UPDATES

One thing that I’ve always wanted to do is make my own clothing. First, I just wanted to knit sweaters and vests, because I thought it was the coolest thing ever. My Grandma always knitted things like washcloths and towels and she was able to slam out hundreds of these things in a day. It was mesmerizing. But as an 11-year-old, I wanted sweaters and vests.

I learnt how to knit, just the basics. Enough that I’ve managed to make a bunch of headband-like devices (although I’m sure they could be used otherwise). Then, when I got pregnant with Carter, I started experiencing intense joint pain in my hands and basically gave up on knitting. I’ve never learnt how to do anything but the basic knit stich and I’ve never followed a pattern, so still no closer to that sweater or vest.

When I was about 14, I took a sewing class in school as an elective. I made a comfy pair of pajama pants and a beautiful medieval-inspired dress. I also made about a billion pillows! I absolutely loved sewing and if we hadn’t gotten rid of our sewing machine shortly after I learnt to sew, I probably would’ve kept on sewing like crazy.

It never occured to me, during all this time, to ever pick up hand sewing. Not until last night anyways, and then now it’s all I seem to be able to think about. All the things I could’ve been sewing all these years. You don’t need a machine to sew!

So now, I desperately want to get knitting needles, yarn, fabric, thread and sewing needles (plus, something to keep all those things organized in…), so that I can start learning how to do that – hand sew and make knitted sweaters and such. What I need to do is pick a “goal piece”, something to aspire to making specifically. Then, work towards learning what I need to know to be able to do it.

For example, I don’t know how to do any other hand sewing stitch than one that you use to close up the end of a pillow after you’ve stuffed it. And that was years and years ago that I last did that. So, for hand sewing, I need to get really good at perfecting certain types of stitches for my goal project.

It’s official, it’s a goal to get me some hand sewing materials.

TO ATTEND: Munches

Back when I was pregnant with Carter (just over 5 years ago now…), The Boyfriend and I began attending munches. It had been on my to-do list forever and a day, and finally, after months/years of begging, the stars finally aligned and I went to my first munch.

Our first actual time out going to a munch was not that great of an experience. As total newbies, very awkward already in social situations, we both went into it with absolutely no balls whatsoever. We ended up not even being able to get up the courage to walk over the rather intimidating table.

However, surprisingly, that didn’t deter us altogether. We ended up hooking up with another group and went out the next month and had a great first experience. Both of us walked away from the experience full of life, full of ideas and if I remember correctly, had some of the kinkiest sex ever. For the rest of that pregnancy almost, we were attending munches and our relationship (in my humble opinion) has never been better.

Even though The Boyfriend was still his ole vanilla self the entire time, he seemed to be able to comprehend my kinks a little bit better. Sadly, after Carter was born, the person who ran the munches we really loved moved away due to illness and The Boyfriend’s understanding of my desire for kink went out the window.

Every month I say to him, when the notification comes up in my FetLife group, “We should go to the munch this month”. Sometimes, he’ll be working and the hesitance is understandable. Other times, he won’t be working – but again, the understanding for my desire went out the window…

I have never wanted to attend munches on my own, not initially anyways. I’m not opposed to doing it alone, it’s just…

This is always such a hard thing for me to explain. When I’m going to a munch, I look at that as exploring my sexuality, even though often times there is no sexual exploration involved. But I don’t look as my sexuality that as something that I can pack up and shut down for the night, it’s a thing that I carry with me everywhere I go. My sexuality very much defines me, and I would appreciate it staying that way. I have no intention of extracting my sexuality from any part of my identity, for any reason, at any time.

So, when I go to a munch, the only real place in the world where I can just hang out with people without worrying about the parts of my identity that the world/society deems deviant, I want to share that freedom with my partner. I want to share that most primal and most authentic part of myself with my partner. It’s very much about exploring my sexuality, my identity, me.

And if I were single, maybe I’d be interested in going it alone. I don’t know that for sure one way or another, because I’m not single and I haven’t been truly single for huge portions of my adult life. But as a person in a monogamous relationship, I want to explore my sexuality with my partner, and so going to a munch (as innocent as it is) can, in many ways, feel like cheating when you go it alone. Again, I don’t know this for hard fact, but it is what deters me from doing it… If that makes any sense?!?

Ideally, The Boyfriend and I would make it a priority to attend a munch every single month. I understand that this is not always possible due to work and it’s even hard when thinking about kids, but even if we just went every couple of months. If he can’t come, it would be nice if I still got to go. For that, I think I’d need a dedicated munch buddy or something…

TO DO: YouTube…

I’ve always been on YouTube… I’ve always had a channel in one incarnation or another, I’ve always been on YouTube, but I’ve never really stayed on YouTube… And I really have always wanted that to change and over the last couple of months, that desire just keeps growing stronger and stronger. Tonight, it is nagging me very loudly…

I don’t remember when it was that I first joined YouTube, but it was a really long time ago. I initially signed up thinking I wanted to be able to easily save all the videos I was watching and loving. This was way back in the day when I watched a lot of YouTube. Then, when I realized you could upload stuff to YouTube, it didn’t take me long to jump on that bandwagon.

I’m pretty sure my first real-live video on YouTube (which I think I later deleted and only recently recovered from Facebook where I had also uploaded it) was of my then year old daughter Kaeidyn freaking out that I should play “Daddy’s Getting Married” by Bif Naked on the guitar, as I was playing it. Once she realizes, she goes crazy. This was that video:

Next, I uploaded some more guitar playing and eventually deleted my original channel and all the great videos I had amassed doing that (although it was probably only about 13). I came back a few years later with a couple more guitar covers and a few piano covers and a couple videos the kids had made or whatever and then basically just abandoned my channel.

I still have it, but havent uploaded anything to it since my cover of The White Sripes “Fell in Love with a Girl”. I had had this big plan then to come back with a regular occurence of videos and with all these ideas and then life blew up and took a crap all over itself and the idea was abandoned just like the channel.

A few months ago, The Boyfriend started talking about YouTube all the time. He is, as I’ve probably said before, a little obsessed with gaming. He always says that he needs to start making YouTube videos about games. And over the past few weeks, more and more everyday, I’m thinking about how I miss doing the YouTube thing and that I’ve never done it the way that I want to do it and I want to do it…

Now, it’s just a matter of taking the steps that go from thinking to doing, because I’ve done so darn much of the thinking that the only option left is to start some of the doing. And in the last 30 minutes alone, I’ve come up with so many concepts for things that I’d like to be doing, that I just keep saying to myself, “So, just do it…!”.

I also have all of The Erotic Writers Group stuff to consider as well, because more than getting my personal self out on YouTube, I want to get this going without a doubt. I have so many great ideas for The Erotic Writers Group on YouTube. Previously we did our group hangouts “Tuesday Topics” and to a great succes, by my awesomely low standards. And I always wanted to do more…

I have files and files of online documents dedicated to all of my great ideas for all of these great videos for all of these great enterprises (ie. Myself and The Erotic Writers Group, duh!), and I’m sick of sitting on all of it. I’m sick of letting all of these opportunities pass me by.

It’s time to just suck it up and do YouTube!

TO DO: House Rules and Family Meetings

My family is a disorganized mess! For many years, this has worked for us. During their baby and toddler years, flexibility was absolute, especially having them all so close together, being less structured made more sense – as I was deadset on raising independent, free-thinking, personality-filled little individuals. I’ll let you know right now, I succeeded, maybe almost too well…

Now, as they’re all in school and their days are taking on more structure, it’s important that we as a family start introducing some structure. However, the concept is absolutely foreign to us. More foreign than the Chinese or Swiss. Structure is just something we’re not used to, or even really desire for ourselves, but moreso need for the sake of our family and their sanity (mostly my sanity)!

I’ve talked about a lot of these issues in past posts, including the still needed routine, the once-a-month cooking, and the desire to create a household management system. But really, it’s all about building a foundation.

I like to relate to a book I read by Iyanla Vanzant. When I was at the worst part of my depression, many moons ago, I was utterly obsessed with Oprah Winfrey. And everyday before Oprah, one of her regulars had a show called Starting Over (which I desperately wanted to be on) and this is how I came to know of Iyanla Vanzant. Anyways, in this book she looks at life like a house. You have your foundation, first floor and so on and each level represents different aspects of your life, like your values, beliefs, things you were taught, etc.

Well, as my homegirl Alanis Morisette says (we’re like this *crosses fingers*), “My foundation was rocked…” – and mine definitely is. And it’s beginning to crack. Okay, enough with the pop culture references!

What we need to do, as a family, is create some basic rules and some consequences for breaking those rules. I’m talking about foundational rules. For example, my kids have a very bad habit of blatantly disrespecting me, like when I tell them to do something, they’ll get right in my face and shout no and then will sit down and do whatever they want. While I deal with these situations, it seems to be completely ineffective and I think there are a few reasons why that is.

First of all, we don’t have a hard and fast disciplinary action. Often, it changes depending on mood and time of day and season of the sun – who knows why it changes for sure, but it does. One time, it will be get sent to their room, the next time it might be lectured or put in a time-out, other times, I’ll throw my hands up in the air and walk away speechless.

Second of all, we don’t have hard and fast rules. We are rather flexible parents and the rules can often change. For example here, one day Kaeidyn wasn’t allowed to walk to the store by herself and then one day she was. Originally, the rule was no friends on the walks with her, but then she ended up running into a bunch of them on the way home (there is a park between our house and the store), and now the rule is only on the way home. So, a lot of times, the rules are in constant flux.

All of these things would be easy to deal with, in my opinion, if we had some ground rules and a regular forum for us to discuss any changes – especially as the kids all get into pre-teen and teenagehood. Especially if I ever go back to work!… Ugh!

In a Perfect World…

First, as a family, we sit down and draft up these house rules. We say to each other, “this is what we want as a family, this is how we’re going to achieve it as a family, this is how we’re going to behave along the way, and this is what happens when we don’t” – basically, in short, a vision statement.

Then, we figure out a way to display it all nice for the family to see. This way we’re constantly reminded of the rules. We’re constantly reminded of what it is we want to achieve. I want it to be pretty but also functional for us.

Finally, every couple of months, we revisit the rules and the family vision statement and see if how we’re doing things is working and what, if anything needs to be changed.

Definitely something to work on… Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing?

TO GET: Lingerie… Lots of Lingerie.

UPDATES

Despite my rantings over the last few days (here and here), I actually really love lingerie. I’ve always wanted lots and lots and lots of it and have always been wickedly jealous of my sister who has amassed a relatively decent collection of it. I want lingerie really bad, but have never been courageous enough to actually try any on (except what my sister has convinced me to try of hers – which often just does not fit me the way it fits her), let alone buy any for myself.

Once, The Boyfriend and I were walking through Wal-Mart and came across a cute little bustier/panty-set. We picked that up and broke it in the first night of sex, and have never ever bought lingerie again. I’ve gone through bouts where I will look at it constantly online and he’ll go through bouts where he’ll want to watch porn that has some lingerie in it, but other than that, lingerie just doesn’t really enter our mindframes very much.

It’s also because I’ve been notorious for absolute commando-ism for a good many of years. I wear bras when I’m going out somewhere and have to look really good, like a job interview or a night at the strippers. Since those things don’t happen for me anymore, there’s just no point. Plus, I like the way it feels to let my boobs bounce freely, and my nipples enjoy the sensation of soft t-shirt fabrics, and the underwear thing – let’s just get real – all of this stuff is just plain uncomfortable when you’re walking the kids to school, or sitting around the house working on the computer.

So, it just doesn’t occur to me to put too much focus into undergarments in general.

In a Perfect World…

However, this is not the way I want it to be at all. What I really want, more than anything, is a huge closet dedicated to all the sexiest of lingerie and footwear one’s mind can imagine. I want an entire section dedicated to leather and latex, leather for the smell and feel, latex for the shinniness. Then, I want some girly pieces that are frilly and lace-y.

Babydolls, chemises, thongs, g-strings, bras, bustiers, micro mini-skirts, breast-baring see-through tops, cute accessories and lots and lots of stockings and garter belts. An entire area with corsets beautifully stored in special corset bags, ones for wearing during the day and ones for wearing during the night.

And then the shoes. Oh the glorious shoes. I think I’d need a whole closet dedicated to just the shoes. Flats, heels, boots, oh my! Even if you had no fetish whatsoever for shoes, it would be a *drool* moment.

And in a perfect world, I would wear my lingerie every single day under every single thing everywhere I went. And when The Boyfriend came home from work, I’d show glimpses of what I was wearing and it would be so hard to guess because I’d have so much of it that he wouldn’t be able to keep up. And of course, the greatest gift he could give me would not be flowers or diamonds, but lace and leather and peep-holes and cut-outs and frills and sexiness!

TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote

UPDATES

Before I was interested in impact play, long before I was interested in edge play and even before I was interested in power exchange, I’ve been interested in rope bondage. Seriously, have you ever seen how beautiful some of this stuff looks?!? From just regular old rope harnesses to full out shibari art, it’s all so epically beautiful!

I don’t want just one kind of rope either. I want a variety of different ropes, of different textures and different thicknesses and a super rainbow full of colors, red and black dominating!

I want a super useful little rope tote (preferably one I craft myself) that will hold all my beautiful ropes in such an organized manner that upon opening my rope tote, I will have a mini-orgasm, because it will just be such a delight to the eyes! My rope tote would also include necessities like a handy place for some safety scissors and a pocket for water and snacks.

Then, after I get the rope and the rope tote, not only am I officially going to write a poem using that line, I am also going to learn how to use rope come hell or high water! With or without a consenting participant. And this is exactly how that is going to happen:

  1. Get a Sewing Dummy or MannequinWhichever is easier to acquire at this point. Hell, I’ll even go for a pole the approximate width of a human arm! Just something to get used to wrapping rope around and then tying knots around.

    I’ve heard sewing dummies are great practice tools and if you could get your hands on a mannequin, I’m betting it could be pretty good too. If I can’t have a partner, I’ll have a doll for it!

  2. Read and Research Even MoreAlthough I’ve been doing this for years and years and years and years, it’s always important to be learning. And while the major information about rope play has definitely stuck with me through all the years, the little details might be lost. So, refresh on the reading and researching. Scour the whole entire world for resources, if I have to!
  3. Munch, Workshop, Play PartyThese three things deserve posts all their own (and I’ll probably get around to that eventually), but it’s been a long while since I’ve been active in my local community. Too long actually. The best way to learn is to get out there and observe, inquire, discuss, etc. You can only do so much of that from behind the screen of an electronic device. So out into the world I must go!
  4. Begin Practiciting, and Do It CONSTANTLY!Kind of self-explanatory. But ideally, I would be setting aside a certain part of the day, every single day, of quiet Mommy time where I simply focus on practicing. Practicing my knots, practicing placement on my dummy, experimenting with safe self-bondage, such as a calf gauntlet – just to get the feel of things. And do it all the time until I feel 100% comfortable using rope.

Maybe I’ll add this to my birthday wishlist and it can be a sex toy and some rope. How fun would that be?