TO ATTEND: Munches

Back when I was pregnant with Carter (just over 5 years ago now…), The Boyfriend and I began attending munches. It had been on my to-do list forever and a day, and finally, after months/years of begging, the stars finally aligned and I went to my first munch.

Our first actual time out going to a munch was not that great of an experience. As total newbies, very awkward already in social situations, we both went into it with absolutely no balls whatsoever. We ended up not even being able to get up the courage to walk over the rather intimidating table.

However, surprisingly, that didn’t deter us altogether. We ended up hooking up with another group and went out the next month and had a great first experience. Both of us walked away from the experience full of life, full of ideas and if I remember correctly, had some of the kinkiest sex ever. For the rest of that pregnancy almost, we were attending munches and our relationship (in my humble opinion) has never been better.

Even though The Boyfriend was still his ole vanilla self the entire time, he seemed to be able to comprehend my kinks a little bit better. Sadly, after Carter was born, the person who ran the munches we really loved moved away due to illness and The Boyfriend’s understanding of my desire for kink went out the window.

Every month I say to him, when the notification comes up in my FetLife group, “We should go to the munch this month”. Sometimes, he’ll be working and the hesitance is understandable. Other times, he won’t be working – but again, the understanding for my desire went out the window…

I have never wanted to attend munches on my own, not initially anyways. I’m not opposed to doing it alone, it’s just…

This is always such a hard thing for me to explain. When I’m going to a munch, I look at that as exploring my sexuality, even though often times there is no sexual exploration involved. But I don’t look as my sexuality that as something that I can pack up and shut down for the night, it’s a thing that I carry with me everywhere I go. My sexuality very much defines me, and I would appreciate it staying that way. I have no intention of extracting my sexuality from any part of my identity, for any reason, at any time.

So, when I go to a munch, the only real place in the world where I can just hang out with people without worrying about the parts of my identity that the world/society deems deviant, I want to share that freedom with my partner. I want to share that most primal and most authentic part of myself with my partner. It’s very much about exploring my sexuality, my identity, me.

And if I were single, maybe I’d be interested in going it alone. I don’t know that for sure one way or another, because I’m not single and I haven’t been truly single for huge portions of my adult life. But as a person in a monogamous relationship, I want to explore my sexuality with my partner, and so going to a munch (as innocent as it is) can, in many ways, feel like cheating when you go it alone. Again, I don’t know this for hard fact, but it is what deters me from doing it… If that makes any sense?!?

Ideally, The Boyfriend and I would make it a priority to attend a munch every single month. I understand that this is not always possible due to work and it’s even hard when thinking about kids, but even if we just went every couple of months. If he can’t come, it would be nice if I still got to go. For that, I think I’d need a dedicated munch buddy or something…

Advertisements

TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote

UPDATES

Before I was interested in impact play, long before I was interested in edge play and even before I was interested in power exchange, I’ve been interested in rope bondage. Seriously, have you ever seen how beautiful some of this stuff looks?!? From just regular old rope harnesses to full out shibari art, it’s all so epically beautiful!

I don’t want just one kind of rope either. I want a variety of different ropes, of different textures and different thicknesses and a super rainbow full of colors, red and black dominating!

I want a super useful little rope tote (preferably one I craft myself) that will hold all my beautiful ropes in such an organized manner that upon opening my rope tote, I will have a mini-orgasm, because it will just be such a delight to the eyes! My rope tote would also include necessities like a handy place for some safety scissors and a pocket for water and snacks.

Then, after I get the rope and the rope tote, not only am I officially going to write a poem using that line, I am also going to learn how to use rope come hell or high water! With or without a consenting participant. And this is exactly how that is going to happen:

  1. Get a Sewing Dummy or MannequinWhichever is easier to acquire at this point. Hell, I’ll even go for a pole the approximate width of a human arm! Just something to get used to wrapping rope around and then tying knots around.

    I’ve heard sewing dummies are great practice tools and if you could get your hands on a mannequin, I’m betting it could be pretty good too. If I can’t have a partner, I’ll have a doll for it!

  2. Read and Research Even MoreAlthough I’ve been doing this for years and years and years and years, it’s always important to be learning. And while the major information about rope play has definitely stuck with me through all the years, the little details might be lost. So, refresh on the reading and researching. Scour the whole entire world for resources, if I have to!
  3. Munch, Workshop, Play PartyThese three things deserve posts all their own (and I’ll probably get around to that eventually), but it’s been a long while since I’ve been active in my local community. Too long actually. The best way to learn is to get out there and observe, inquire, discuss, etc. You can only do so much of that from behind the screen of an electronic device. So out into the world I must go!
  4. Begin Practiciting, and Do It CONSTANTLY!Kind of self-explanatory. But ideally, I would be setting aside a certain part of the day, every single day, of quiet Mommy time where I simply focus on practicing. Practicing my knots, practicing placement on my dummy, experimenting with safe self-bondage, such as a calf gauntlet – just to get the feel of things. And do it all the time until I feel 100% comfortable using rope.

Maybe I’ll add this to my birthday wishlist and it can be a sex toy and some rope. How fun would that be?

When I Grow Up… I Want to Be a Sex Therapist

Since the first time my Mom sat me down to have “the talk”, I’ve been curiously fascinated by sex and sexuality. At 6 years old, I was desperate to know where babies came from and why people were having sex. I bugged and bugged until finally she caved. The conversation that followed was surprisingly scientific and I can still see the almost perfect sketch of a uterus and fallopian tubes that my Mom drew out for me.

As I got older and sex became more and more relevant in my life, my obsession grew stronger and stronger and by 16, I was doing everything I could to learn as much as I could about sex, sexuality, gender and especially BDSM and fetishes.

Around the time I turned 18, I was hanging out with a lot of people who had clearly never paid attention during sex ed. And as the most educated person about sex in the group, I was often sought after for advice or opinions about the normality of things. I realized that there had to be a sex therapist out there doing something like this.

In my town, not one. In my province, only 3 that I know of. And compared to the states, in terms of actually registered sex therapists, Canada is lagging pretty far behind. Now maybe it’s because Canadians aren’t seriously seeking sex therapy, or maybe it’s the opposite and Canadians aren’t seeking sex therapy because they don’t it exists. Who knows for sure, but either way, When I Grow Up…, I’d love to be a sex therapist.

The idea of not only truly understanding (as much as a person can anyways) sex and sexuality and then getting to share that understanding with others is seriously utopic to me. I think I’d make a banging sex therapist too! Like Laura Berman but sexier (and smarter!), like Dr. Gloria Brame but Canadian, like Annie Sprinkles, but again, Canadian. So many people that I call idols could be listed here – really, it’s a lot!

I also think I tend to do a lot of unofficial sex therapy-ing in my personal life with the people I surround myself with. And the things that people will tell me is incredible, because they know that when it comes to sex and sexuality, I’m as open-minded as they come. I’m also genuinely intrigued and fascinated, and I think that comes across very vividly to people.

As a sex therapist, I think my greatest struggle would be not understanding the shame that people sometimes associate with sexuality, and I would constantly be fighting for sexual acceptance. I think, if I were a sex therapist, I would probably offer more than just therapy as part of my services.

I find the idea of sexual surrogacy to be of a great deal of interest to me, and I’d also want to build a sexual community that’s welcoming, vibrant, exciting and educational.

The science of sexuality is amazing to me, but what really gets me is the psychology of it. And that’s why, When I Grow Up… I Want to be a Sex Therapist.