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It’s Arrived!

Our package finally arrived. Belated Happy Birthday Boyfriend!!

The Boyfriend's present finally got here!!

A post shared by Valerie Rayne (@valerierayne) on

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PROGRESS REPORT

PROGRESS REPORT #1

For the first time ever, I am proud to say, I get to do a progress update post on My Bucket List!!! Aren’t you excited?!? I’ve never gotten to do one of these before, but I figure I probably should.

So, what is a progress report?

Well simply put, it’s an update on any progress whatsoever that I’ve made on any of the items on My Bucket List, My Fucket List, In a Perfect World… or When I Grow Up… lists.

Let’s get down to it, shall we?

  1. TO GET: A Sex Toy… Any Sex Toy

    Back in August 2014, The Boyfriend and I were constantly talking about getting a sex toy. We said it would be by my birthday. That was in November. Finally, now March of the next year and for The Boyfriend’s birthday no less, we are finally getting a sex toy.

    It should be here by the end of the week and we’ll see what I end up thinking of it. It’s a G-spot vibrator, and I have yet to find my G-spot – so maybe by the end of next week sometime, we’ll have another progress update 😉

  2. TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote

    It’s not a complete checked-off-the-list, because this one had a bunch of things to do in it. However, I took the first initial step, I took the plunge. I’ve been saying I was going to do it for years and after a long period of humming and hawing, I finally bought my first length of rope.

    It’s just one tiny step. There’s still the learning and the practicing and the rope tote and then the consenting adult to tie and all that jazz, but the first step!!

  3. TO GET: Lingerie… Lots of Lingerie

    Again, another not-complete-check-off-the-list, but progress. I’m not even sure I’ll like it or ever wear it or anything really. It was a spur of the moment, absolute impulse buy. It was right in the price range I was willing to spend, it was in what should be my size, but I’m not putting any big hopes into these two articles of clothing (barely).

    But again, a step. Tiny, it may be. Anything less to celebrate, it is not!

  4. TO DO: Get Back to Twitter

    It was my first official resolution of 2015 and while there have been many since, this is the only one that is seeing success. I even managed, after six years of trying, to get The Boyfriend on Twitter this year!

    I’m basically calling this one done!

  5. TO DO: Knit & Sew

    Not a complete check off the list, not even close. However, I did finally buy myself knitting needles and again, a sale resulted in yarn. So, I’ve started knitting. I’ve decided, I’m going to work towards a blanket. You can follow that project on my Instagram.

So, that’s five less things that I have to do and I haven’t even finished adding all my wants, desires, dreams and aspirations to the list! Now to try to wait patiently for my toy, rope, one other thing and lingerie to get here. Maybe I’ll knit 😉

TO BE: Polyamorous

Just an FYI to start – I absolutely hate the way the title looks and would prefer it to say something else, but I’m attempting to follow a format – so bear with it!

******

Growing up as a kid, I never knew that there was any other relationship dynamics than together with your husband or separated/divorced from your husband. I heard of the gay people who lived in the United States and I knew that some women and men chose perpetual singledom. However, I did not know anything other than this was even possible.

I always assumed that it was just the natural progression of things. You grow up, you get a husband so that you can have babies, and then you either live happily ever after or get divorced and repeat… I never felt like this was what I wanted, but I did really want babies – so I must need a husband, was kind of my thinking.

I remember doing a school project in Grade 2 or something. My Mom loves to tell this story when it comes to the amount of kids I have. We had to cut pictures out of magazines and make almost like a vision board for our future. I cut out 26 kids in total… 26! The very last thing I cut out, because it was the very last thing on my mind, was a husband…

At 14 – you can totally tell this was like the age of my sexual awakening – two things happened. My sister had her first girl-on-girl experience and suffered massive backlash from this (more from an internal standpoint) and the show KINK became Friday’s indulgence. I know I’ve said it before, but thank goodness for Friday Night Without Borders!!

My eyes were opened to the endless possibilities of relationship dynamics. You mean, a girl doesn’t have to marry a boy? And boys can be with other boys? And you can have intimately, deeply connected relationships with people without any sex? And normal everyday people do it? My mind was blown!! Sometimes, it still is.

In my personal life, I have never been fully satisfied by the dynamics of my relationships. Probably because I am always wanting to push the boundaries and I tend to pick guys who like to stay safely within the lines. Without really meaning to, or every consciously making the decision, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life in monogamous relationships.

My first boyfriend, 2 1/2 years, totally monogamous, age 14 – 16. Alfie, 5 – 6 years, mostly monogamous, age 16 – 21 (see TO HAVE: A FFM Threesome). The Boyfriend, 6 years, monogamous, age 21 – present. Each of those had about eight months, give or take, between them…

But I wouldn’t say that monogamy has been my choice. With Alfie, I loved to have M/F/M threesomes and did so rather frequently. At the beginning of our relationship, we had an agreement that he was the only one who could penetrate me vaginally. By the end, that rule had gone and on more than one occasion he left while another guy and I carried on. I technically cheated on The Boyfriend with Alfie for the first couple months of our relationship.

From my first exposure to it and ever since, I have had a fascination with polyamory. I read about it a lot and when I consider it in terms of consensual, open, honest relationships with more than one person, I can’t help but be completely swept up by the idea of it. It sounds like a blissful experience and one that I want to have.

I don’t want to just fly by the seat of my pants with it and just start sleeping with random people and open up my life to drama, jealousy, and unnecessary risks. But I often fantasize about adding additional partners to my relationship.

With Alfie, I hated the idea of him going off and having sex with another person. The threat of him leaving me was always present without any competition, I was too insecure, there were lots of reasons and he did absolutely nothing to settle those fears. If anything, he did things to heighten them and extend them.

With The Boyfriend, I don’t feel immediate rage when I consider him having sex with another person. I feel entirely secure and comfortable in this relationship. Albeit, I’d want to be allowed to have a say in some boundaries and I’d like to be included in a budding relationship and the fantasy only stays hot when those boundaries are in place, but for the most part, I’m incredibly open to the concept of it. When I say this to him, he always says “But I don’t want anyone but you…”. He is a serious monogamist!

If I could though, I think I would choose to be polyamorous.

TO DO: #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters

As the creator of The Erotic Writers Group, I’m often coming up with challenges and prompts for our group’s #DailyChallenge over on Challenge Central, where you can get #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters every single day.

Since I’m coming up with them, I think it’s only appropriate that I participate every once and awhile. How can I expect others to, if I don’t?

Over time, I have participated in a few of the challenges. My first one was a 250 word #WordcountWednesday submission. Most recently, I submitted a sex song called Deeper Into Me for #SaturdaySerenade. Every once and awhile, I will submit some stuff and add it on My Writing & Erotica blog.

However, I’m sorely behind. We have just come back after quite a long hiatus and in the 3 weeks we’ve been doing the challenges, I’ve only submitted 2 or 3 pieces. Simply not good enough. So, I figured I’d create a list of all the challenges that I want to do and then challenge myself to start checking them off my list. Chances are, I’ll get none in by the submission deadline, although hooray for me if I do.

#SumItUpSundays

#SumItUpSundays

#SumItUpSundays

#MondaysMuse

#MondaysMuse

#MondaysMuse

#WordcountWednesday

#WordcountWednesday

#WordcountWednesday

#ThursdayThoughts

#ThursdayThoughts

#ThursdayThoughts

#FetishFridays

#FetishFridays

#FetishFridays

#SaturdaySerenade

#SaturdaySerenade

#SaturdaySerenade

#WritingPrompts to Use

Back in early summer of 2014, we used to add #WritingPrompts for #EroticWriters every week, five at a time. Starting this new year, we’ve been adding one a day. I decided to start collecting all the ones that I’m really interested in writing about.

I plan to continually update this list as new challenges and prompts come out and as I make submissions. It’s part of my #EroticWriters Resolutions to get going on this, so fingers crossed and all. I’ll update on Twitter when I make any changes to this list, so be sure to follow me there.

And if you’d like to learn more about these challenges, please don’t hesitate to check out Challenge Central. It’s easy to participate and you can get all the information you need there. Hope to see you there!

TO DO: #EroticWriters & #EroticReaders Resolutions 2015

Recently on The Erotic Writers Group blog, a couple of posts were published about setting resolutions as an erotic writer and an erotic reader and there was also a challenge for #EroticWriters resolutions. Today, I thought I’d take a minute to reflect on some of my writing goals for 2015.

#EroticReaders Resolutions

  1. Read 25 Books in 2015

    I’m participating in Goodreads’ yearly reading challenge. Last year, I think I put 50 books at first and then after starting my massive Sherlock Holmes, abandoned the challenge. This year, I’ve selected a more manageable number and have also started adding eBooks that I read (because I forgot you could do this on Goodreads).

  2. Write Reviews

    I’m not sure exactly how I want to go about doing this. I find that I’m often more critical of my review of things than I am of my own fictional or non-fictional writing. I struggle with giving criticisms of any kind as well, so that makes it difficult too. I mainly would really like to start publishing reviews on my Goodreads account and then venture elsewhere.

  3. Read Some Classic Erotica

    This is just kind of an ongoing role. I’ve been reading approximately one piece of classic erotica every year for the past few. Sadopaedia by Anonymous is my absolute favorite and I’ve read it about 30 times. Every couple of months I go back to it and flip through the pages. I am working on a list of book’s that I’d like to read in this genre including The Story of O and The Whippingham Papers (I’ll add it when it’s done).

  4. Join a Book Club

    Whether it’s finally getting down to making the book club I’ve always desired to make or just joining one of the many thousands of book clubs on Goodreads, I really want to try this out at some point this year. I figure that I won’t even consider it at the moment because I’m too busy elsewhere, but maybe in the summer or during back-to-school I’ll dedicate myself to it.

  5. Read More Poetry

    I tend to stick to non-fiction a lot when I’m choosing what to read. And I don’t spend nearly enough time seeking out new and interesting things to read. I’ve always wanted to spend some time reading poetry. I’ve purchased a variety of different books of poetry and save it to read all over the place, but I never really hunker down and do it. Poetry takes up a lot more mental capacity for me than other forms of reading, so I rarely dedicate myself to it. I’d like to change that.

  6. Actually Read Erotica

    Yes, I read publications from 100 years ago, but I rarely ever explore modern day erotica. Often times, I don’t know what I want to read, so I don’t know where I want to look, and I just don’t spend much time on it. But I run a community for #EroticWriters and #EroticReaders, it’s only right that I take a few moments to actually read what they’re doing!

#EroticWriters Resolutions

  1. Regularly Post to my Writers Blog

    I made my first post to my writing blog back in July 2014 and really enjoyed participating in The Erotic Writers Group #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters. Ideally, I would be posting once a day or maybe even twice a day, one submission post and then one unrelated post. Currently, I’m nowhere near that! The goal for now is to at least post twice a week.

  2.  Complete a First Draft of The Brighton Tales

    This goal is taking me so much longer than it should. To be honest, I haven’t even looked at it since the last post I did about wanting to complete this story. At the very least, if I do nothing else on this list but this, I want to complete the first draft of The Brighton Tales. Mark my words!

  3. Participate in #WritingChallenges for #EroticWriters

    I’d like to participate in every single one of them, but I know how hard I find that, especially when I’m the creator of the challenges. Sometimes it just won’t work. So I’d like to commit to doing at least one writing prompt every session and it would be fantastic if I could do every single #ThursdayThoughts and one other challenge throughout the week.

That’s all I can think of for the moment, although I’m sure that I’ll come up with more as the days go on. What are some of your resolutions this year? Be sure to stay tuned to see my progress 😉

TO ATTEND: Munches

Back when I was pregnant with Carter (just over 5 years ago now…), The Boyfriend and I began attending munches. It had been on my to-do list forever and a day, and finally, after months/years of begging, the stars finally aligned and I went to my first munch.

Our first actual time out going to a munch was not that great of an experience. As total newbies, very awkward already in social situations, we both went into it with absolutely no balls whatsoever. We ended up not even being able to get up the courage to walk over the rather intimidating table.

However, surprisingly, that didn’t deter us altogether. We ended up hooking up with another group and went out the next month and had a great first experience. Both of us walked away from the experience full of life, full of ideas and if I remember correctly, had some of the kinkiest sex ever. For the rest of that pregnancy almost, we were attending munches and our relationship (in my humble opinion) has never been better.

Even though The Boyfriend was still his ole vanilla self the entire time, he seemed to be able to comprehend my kinks a little bit better. Sadly, after Carter was born, the person who ran the munches we really loved moved away due to illness and The Boyfriend’s understanding of my desire for kink went out the window.

Every month I say to him, when the notification comes up in my FetLife group, “We should go to the munch this month”. Sometimes, he’ll be working and the hesitance is understandable. Other times, he won’t be working – but again, the understanding for my desire went out the window…

I have never wanted to attend munches on my own, not initially anyways. I’m not opposed to doing it alone, it’s just…

This is always such a hard thing for me to explain. When I’m going to a munch, I look at that as exploring my sexuality, even though often times there is no sexual exploration involved. But I don’t look as my sexuality that as something that I can pack up and shut down for the night, it’s a thing that I carry with me everywhere I go. My sexuality very much defines me, and I would appreciate it staying that way. I have no intention of extracting my sexuality from any part of my identity, for any reason, at any time.

So, when I go to a munch, the only real place in the world where I can just hang out with people without worrying about the parts of my identity that the world/society deems deviant, I want to share that freedom with my partner. I want to share that most primal and most authentic part of myself with my partner. It’s very much about exploring my sexuality, my identity, me.

And if I were single, maybe I’d be interested in going it alone. I don’t know that for sure one way or another, because I’m not single and I haven’t been truly single for huge portions of my adult life. But as a person in a monogamous relationship, I want to explore my sexuality with my partner, and so going to a munch (as innocent as it is) can, in many ways, feel like cheating when you go it alone. Again, I don’t know this for hard fact, but it is what deters me from doing it… If that makes any sense?!?

Ideally, The Boyfriend and I would make it a priority to attend a munch every single month. I understand that this is not always possible due to work and it’s even hard when thinking about kids, but even if we just went every couple of months. If he can’t come, it would be nice if I still got to go. For that, I think I’d need a dedicated munch buddy or something…

TO HAVE: A FFM Threesome

For many years of my life, I was kind of known for threesomes. Alfie and I had joked with a friend once about having a threesome and next thing you know, we’re having threesomes constantly. Really, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but every couple of months, pregnant or not, we’d find some poor sucker to join us in the bedroom.

It was probably the only area of Alfie and I’s relationship where we had any clear and defined boundaries. Or at least, that was true for all the MFM threesomes we had. And they were all so uncomplicated. Only one MFM experience was a bad one and even at that, if I were in a different un-pregnated headspace for that one, I probably wouldn’t have ever though it was a bad experience.

However, with women, it was always bad. Twice we tried and twice we failed so miserably that I lost friends and he gained some. I kissed a girl with braces and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. I got insecure with another girl and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. Both times ended with me down in my room crying and him carrying on like nothing had happened…

And you’d think the two bad experiences would turn me off the concept entirely. You’d think I’d be so hung up on it. And yet, here I sit, still wishing I could have a successful FFM threesome.

I don’t know what it is about it that is such an attractant to me, even after my bad experiences. I mean, of course, I just want to be with a woman without a man’s presence. But, I also want to be with a woman with a man’s presence. Something about the duality of it… The feminine and the masculine.

I know what a threesome feels like, and I know what it feels like when it’s two guys. But what does it feel like when it’s two girls and it’s comfortable like it is with two guys? What does it feel like to be getting the best of both genders at the exact same moment?

I need to know!!

When I Grow Up… I Want to Be a Fetish Photographer

I absolutely love taking pictures. From the time that I had my first baby and also received my first camera, I’ve always enjoyed taking pictures. First, my subject was a baby. Then, it became flowers and trees and water. From there, after a walk in the river in my bedazzled flip-flops, I became very interested in footography and had my first really true desire to become a fetish photographer.

For many years prior to that, I was very interested in the modelling aspect or being on the other side of the camera lens, but had never actually considered myself behind the camera. Since them, I’ve gone from wanting to take simple pictures of feet to wanting to do the whole fetish photography stint and even so much as filming my own erotic fetish movies.

Outside of some sexy shots in the bedroom with The Boyfriend, this is one that will most likely live on in fantasy forever – in terms of ever getting really good at it. Currently, when we’re feeling adventurous, we’ll set up the webcam to record a romp or whip out his cellphone to snap a sex shot, but things like lighting, positioning, shutter speed, etc., completely elude us.

This is another one of those ones that is so tied in with everything else that I want, because I’d love to have a dungeon where I could capture/record. I’d love to have really nice lighting equipment and some cool DIY lights, and a really awesome camera that I handpick for myself and some incredible lenses to work with.

Then of course, there’s the models and the actual shoots. And I have a huge list of ideas that I’d like to see done for images and absolutely no idea how feasible any of them are in reality. Just so much that I’d like to try and just haven’t yet…

Definitely would like to get better behind the camera and definitely would like to do some erotic photography.

TO GET: Lingerie… Lots of Lingerie.

UPDATES

Despite my rantings over the last few days (here and here), I actually really love lingerie. I’ve always wanted lots and lots and lots of it and have always been wickedly jealous of my sister who has amassed a relatively decent collection of it. I want lingerie really bad, but have never been courageous enough to actually try any on (except what my sister has convinced me to try of hers – which often just does not fit me the way it fits her), let alone buy any for myself.

Once, The Boyfriend and I were walking through Wal-Mart and came across a cute little bustier/panty-set. We picked that up and broke it in the first night of sex, and have never ever bought lingerie again. I’ve gone through bouts where I will look at it constantly online and he’ll go through bouts where he’ll want to watch porn that has some lingerie in it, but other than that, lingerie just doesn’t really enter our mindframes very much.

It’s also because I’ve been notorious for absolute commando-ism for a good many of years. I wear bras when I’m going out somewhere and have to look really good, like a job interview or a night at the strippers. Since those things don’t happen for me anymore, there’s just no point. Plus, I like the way it feels to let my boobs bounce freely, and my nipples enjoy the sensation of soft t-shirt fabrics, and the underwear thing – let’s just get real – all of this stuff is just plain uncomfortable when you’re walking the kids to school, or sitting around the house working on the computer.

So, it just doesn’t occur to me to put too much focus into undergarments in general.

In a Perfect World…

However, this is not the way I want it to be at all. What I really want, more than anything, is a huge closet dedicated to all the sexiest of lingerie and footwear one’s mind can imagine. I want an entire section dedicated to leather and latex, leather for the smell and feel, latex for the shinniness. Then, I want some girly pieces that are frilly and lace-y.

Babydolls, chemises, thongs, g-strings, bras, bustiers, micro mini-skirts, breast-baring see-through tops, cute accessories and lots and lots of stockings and garter belts. An entire area with corsets beautifully stored in special corset bags, ones for wearing during the day and ones for wearing during the night.

And then the shoes. Oh the glorious shoes. I think I’d need a whole closet dedicated to just the shoes. Flats, heels, boots, oh my! Even if you had no fetish whatsoever for shoes, it would be a *drool* moment.

And in a perfect world, I would wear my lingerie every single day under every single thing everywhere I went. And when The Boyfriend came home from work, I’d show glimpses of what I was wearing and it would be so hard to guess because I’d have so much of it that he wouldn’t be able to keep up. And of course, the greatest gift he could give me would not be flowers or diamonds, but lace and leather and peep-holes and cut-outs and frills and sexiness!

TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote

UPDATES

Before I was interested in impact play, long before I was interested in edge play and even before I was interested in power exchange, I’ve been interested in rope bondage. Seriously, have you ever seen how beautiful some of this stuff looks?!? From just regular old rope harnesses to full out shibari art, it’s all so epically beautiful!

I don’t want just one kind of rope either. I want a variety of different ropes, of different textures and different thicknesses and a super rainbow full of colors, red and black dominating!

I want a super useful little rope tote (preferably one I craft myself) that will hold all my beautiful ropes in such an organized manner that upon opening my rope tote, I will have a mini-orgasm, because it will just be such a delight to the eyes! My rope tote would also include necessities like a handy place for some safety scissors and a pocket for water and snacks.

Then, after I get the rope and the rope tote, not only am I officially going to write a poem using that line, I am also going to learn how to use rope come hell or high water! With or without a consenting participant. And this is exactly how that is going to happen:

  1. Get a Sewing Dummy or MannequinWhichever is easier to acquire at this point. Hell, I’ll even go for a pole the approximate width of a human arm! Just something to get used to wrapping rope around and then tying knots around.

    I’ve heard sewing dummies are great practice tools and if you could get your hands on a mannequin, I’m betting it could be pretty good too. If I can’t have a partner, I’ll have a doll for it!

  2. Read and Research Even MoreAlthough I’ve been doing this for years and years and years and years, it’s always important to be learning. And while the major information about rope play has definitely stuck with me through all the years, the little details might be lost. So, refresh on the reading and researching. Scour the whole entire world for resources, if I have to!
  3. Munch, Workshop, Play PartyThese three things deserve posts all their own (and I’ll probably get around to that eventually), but it’s been a long while since I’ve been active in my local community. Too long actually. The best way to learn is to get out there and observe, inquire, discuss, etc. You can only do so much of that from behind the screen of an electronic device. So out into the world I must go!
  4. Begin Practiciting, and Do It CONSTANTLY!Kind of self-explanatory. But ideally, I would be setting aside a certain part of the day, every single day, of quiet Mommy time where I simply focus on practicing. Practicing my knots, practicing placement on my dummy, experimenting with safe self-bondage, such as a calf gauntlet – just to get the feel of things. And do it all the time until I feel 100% comfortable using rope.

Maybe I’ll add this to my birthday wishlist and it can be a sex toy and some rope. How fun would that be?