TO GET: A Guitar

It’s been a really long time since I last owned a guitar.

I got my first guitar when I was about 13. It was actually a present for my brother but he wasn’t interested in learning electric guitar and I was, so I kinda perma-borrowed his guitar. I learnt most of my guitar knowledge from my punk rock boyfriend who was taking guitar lessons during our time together.

Back then, I mostly stuck with electric guitars. I liked to play things with power chords and my playlist consisted of things like AFI’s “Morningstar” or Rancid’s “Who Would’ve Thought” or Against Me’s “Baby, I’m an Anarchist” and then a bunch of really dark and depressing “poems”. I basically stayed playing this way through all of my first relationship and most of my second.

Then my Dad started coming around and bringing acoustic guitars. I really like the way acoustic guitars sound and the fact that you don’t need to have an amp to really sound great. I decided that I liked acoustic over electric far better and have hardly touched an electric-only ever since.

When Alfie and I broke up (that’s the second relationship, by the way) and The Boyfriend and I got together, I had an acoustic guitar. Neither The Boyfriend or I can remember whatever happened to that guitar, but for my birthday the first year we were together, he decided to get me a guitar.

I called her My Muse. I couldn’t tell you a thing about what brand she was or what she was made out of or anything like that – except that she was an electric/acoustic with a built in tuner, but her sound was just so good to me. I wrote songs for the first time in five years with her and to me that was a pretty big deal. And she was just so lovely. I seriously miss this guitar so much that sometimes when I think of her, I honestly get emotional.

She didn’t last long at all. All the kids were right at this age where destroying everything was just about the most fun ever. Even though she had a good sturdy gig case and even though we tried really hard, one night, the kids ended up crushing her. I was seriously so upset about it…

I did end up having one more guitar after this. I don’t remember what happened to this one either except that one day I had it and the next day I didn’t. After that, I decided that I had gone through too many guitars, I needed to take a break from guitars. Especially when there were so many other instruments out there that I want to learn to play.

I’ve been stuck trying to learn piano/keyboards now for a good four years. Let me just say, I’m a thousand percent better at guitar. And now that my kids are older and less likely to break a precious gem of mine, I want a guitar.

It will definitely be an acoustic. I like the built-in tuners a lot – while I tune by ear, I like to get that E string as accurate as possible to go off of – so, it will definitely have one of those. I’d really like to find something that has a clear, crisp sound that just vibrates down my spine the way My Muse did. And I’ve always really wanted designs on my fretboard instead of just the regular old dots.

Ugh… Now I’m dreaming of guitars… Thanks list *shakes fist*!

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TO DO: Knit & Sew

UPDATES

One thing that I’ve always wanted to do is make my own clothing. First, I just wanted to knit sweaters and vests, because I thought it was the coolest thing ever. My Grandma always knitted things like washcloths and towels and she was able to slam out hundreds of these things in a day. It was mesmerizing. But as an 11-year-old, I wanted sweaters and vests.

I learnt how to knit, just the basics. Enough that I’ve managed to make a bunch of headband-like devices (although I’m sure they could be used otherwise). Then, when I got pregnant with Carter, I started experiencing intense joint pain in my hands and basically gave up on knitting. I’ve never learnt how to do anything but the basic knit stich and I’ve never followed a pattern, so still no closer to that sweater or vest.

When I was about 14, I took a sewing class in school as an elective. I made a comfy pair of pajama pants and a beautiful medieval-inspired dress. I also made about a billion pillows! I absolutely loved sewing and if we hadn’t gotten rid of our sewing machine shortly after I learnt to sew, I probably would’ve kept on sewing like crazy.

It never occured to me, during all this time, to ever pick up hand sewing. Not until last night anyways, and then now it’s all I seem to be able to think about. All the things I could’ve been sewing all these years. You don’t need a machine to sew!

So now, I desperately want to get knitting needles, yarn, fabric, thread and sewing needles (plus, something to keep all those things organized in…), so that I can start learning how to do that – hand sew and make knitted sweaters and such. What I need to do is pick a “goal piece”, something to aspire to making specifically. Then, work towards learning what I need to know to be able to do it.

For example, I don’t know how to do any other hand sewing stitch than one that you use to close up the end of a pillow after you’ve stuffed it. And that was years and years ago that I last did that. So, for hand sewing, I need to get really good at perfecting certain types of stitches for my goal project.

It’s official, it’s a goal to get me some hand sewing materials.

When I Grow Up… I Want to Be a Fetish Photographer

I absolutely love taking pictures. From the time that I had my first baby and also received my first camera, I’ve always enjoyed taking pictures. First, my subject was a baby. Then, it became flowers and trees and water. From there, after a walk in the river in my bedazzled flip-flops, I became very interested in footography and had my first really true desire to become a fetish photographer.

For many years prior to that, I was very interested in the modelling aspect or being on the other side of the camera lens, but had never actually considered myself behind the camera. Since them, I’ve gone from wanting to take simple pictures of feet to wanting to do the whole fetish photography stint and even so much as filming my own erotic fetish movies.

Outside of some sexy shots in the bedroom with The Boyfriend, this is one that will most likely live on in fantasy forever – in terms of ever getting really good at it. Currently, when we’re feeling adventurous, we’ll set up the webcam to record a romp or whip out his cellphone to snap a sex shot, but things like lighting, positioning, shutter speed, etc., completely elude us.

This is another one of those ones that is so tied in with everything else that I want, because I’d love to have a dungeon where I could capture/record. I’d love to have really nice lighting equipment and some cool DIY lights, and a really awesome camera that I handpick for myself and some incredible lenses to work with.

Then of course, there’s the models and the actual shoots. And I have a huge list of ideas that I’d like to see done for images and absolutely no idea how feasible any of them are in reality. Just so much that I’d like to try and just haven’t yet…

Definitely would like to get better behind the camera and definitely would like to do some erotic photography.

TO GET: Lingerie… Lots of Lingerie.

UPDATES

Despite my rantings over the last few days (here and here), I actually really love lingerie. I’ve always wanted lots and lots and lots of it and have always been wickedly jealous of my sister who has amassed a relatively decent collection of it. I want lingerie really bad, but have never been courageous enough to actually try any on (except what my sister has convinced me to try of hers – which often just does not fit me the way it fits her), let alone buy any for myself.

Once, The Boyfriend and I were walking through Wal-Mart and came across a cute little bustier/panty-set. We picked that up and broke it in the first night of sex, and have never ever bought lingerie again. I’ve gone through bouts where I will look at it constantly online and he’ll go through bouts where he’ll want to watch porn that has some lingerie in it, but other than that, lingerie just doesn’t really enter our mindframes very much.

It’s also because I’ve been notorious for absolute commando-ism for a good many of years. I wear bras when I’m going out somewhere and have to look really good, like a job interview or a night at the strippers. Since those things don’t happen for me anymore, there’s just no point. Plus, I like the way it feels to let my boobs bounce freely, and my nipples enjoy the sensation of soft t-shirt fabrics, and the underwear thing – let’s just get real – all of this stuff is just plain uncomfortable when you’re walking the kids to school, or sitting around the house working on the computer.

So, it just doesn’t occur to me to put too much focus into undergarments in general.

In a Perfect World…

However, this is not the way I want it to be at all. What I really want, more than anything, is a huge closet dedicated to all the sexiest of lingerie and footwear one’s mind can imagine. I want an entire section dedicated to leather and latex, leather for the smell and feel, latex for the shinniness. Then, I want some girly pieces that are frilly and lace-y.

Babydolls, chemises, thongs, g-strings, bras, bustiers, micro mini-skirts, breast-baring see-through tops, cute accessories and lots and lots of stockings and garter belts. An entire area with corsets beautifully stored in special corset bags, ones for wearing during the day and ones for wearing during the night.

And then the shoes. Oh the glorious shoes. I think I’d need a whole closet dedicated to just the shoes. Flats, heels, boots, oh my! Even if you had no fetish whatsoever for shoes, it would be a *drool* moment.

And in a perfect world, I would wear my lingerie every single day under every single thing everywhere I went. And when The Boyfriend came home from work, I’d show glimpses of what I was wearing and it would be so hard to guess because I’d have so much of it that he wouldn’t be able to keep up. And of course, the greatest gift he could give me would not be flowers or diamonds, but lace and leather and peep-holes and cut-outs and frills and sexiness!

TO GET: Rope and a Rope Tote

UPDATES

Before I was interested in impact play, long before I was interested in edge play and even before I was interested in power exchange, I’ve been interested in rope bondage. Seriously, have you ever seen how beautiful some of this stuff looks?!? From just regular old rope harnesses to full out shibari art, it’s all so epically beautiful!

I don’t want just one kind of rope either. I want a variety of different ropes, of different textures and different thicknesses and a super rainbow full of colors, red and black dominating!

I want a super useful little rope tote (preferably one I craft myself) that will hold all my beautiful ropes in such an organized manner that upon opening my rope tote, I will have a mini-orgasm, because it will just be such a delight to the eyes! My rope tote would also include necessities like a handy place for some safety scissors and a pocket for water and snacks.

Then, after I get the rope and the rope tote, not only am I officially going to write a poem using that line, I am also going to learn how to use rope come hell or high water! With or without a consenting participant. And this is exactly how that is going to happen:

  1. Get a Sewing Dummy or MannequinWhichever is easier to acquire at this point. Hell, I’ll even go for a pole the approximate width of a human arm! Just something to get used to wrapping rope around and then tying knots around.

    I’ve heard sewing dummies are great practice tools and if you could get your hands on a mannequin, I’m betting it could be pretty good too. If I can’t have a partner, I’ll have a doll for it!

  2. Read and Research Even MoreAlthough I’ve been doing this for years and years and years and years, it’s always important to be learning. And while the major information about rope play has definitely stuck with me through all the years, the little details might be lost. So, refresh on the reading and researching. Scour the whole entire world for resources, if I have to!
  3. Munch, Workshop, Play PartyThese three things deserve posts all their own (and I’ll probably get around to that eventually), but it’s been a long while since I’ve been active in my local community. Too long actually. The best way to learn is to get out there and observe, inquire, discuss, etc. You can only do so much of that from behind the screen of an electronic device. So out into the world I must go!
  4. Begin Practiciting, and Do It CONSTANTLY!Kind of self-explanatory. But ideally, I would be setting aside a certain part of the day, every single day, of quiet Mommy time where I simply focus on practicing. Practicing my knots, practicing placement on my dummy, experimenting with safe self-bondage, such as a calf gauntlet – just to get the feel of things. And do it all the time until I feel 100% comfortable using rope.

Maybe I’ll add this to my birthday wishlist and it can be a sex toy and some rope. How fun would that be?

TO GET: A Sex Toy… Any Sex Toy!!!

Updates

I didn’t get my first sex toy until I was 23, if I remember correctly. The Boyfriend and I had just begun dating and Alfie was incredibly jealous. To attempt to start a fight, he fished through the sex toy vending machine at his work until he was able to nab me a vibrator. He thought he was so awesome bringing it over. Little did he know that he was just supplying The Boyfriend…

It was better than I had expected it to be. This little one-battery cat head with a tail that acted as a clitoral stimulator (though did a terrible job at it…). It was the first time I had ever experienced vibrations that weren’t caused by a mouth and it was different to say the least.

Then, I got a box of toys that I had intended to sell. It ended up not being sold and instead was distrubuted out to family members and used. None really stood out as total “wow” implements, although some got more use than others. The Boyfriend enjoyed using the dildos and I liked the vibrators again (although found that I couldn’t use them often or it would take longer for me to orgasm – something that I get pretty fed up about when I’m on that mission).

Alas, we had to throw all the sex toys that we had had in the garbage. It was an incredibly sad day. Now, it’s been at least three years since we last used a sex toy…

Ideally, I’d like to get at least two handfuls worth of toys that we used reguarly. But since we’re on a more limited budget, I’m being more realistic and just saying that I want to get a sex toy – any sex toy – and I want it to be by my birthday!!

I think I want to look into getting a Magic Wand, although I’m incredibly iffy about this particular one. I also want a dildo sans vibration, but that’s solely because I know how much The Boyfriend absolutely loves using them. I also haven’t really looked at sex toys in over a year, and I know a few things have changed.

I just want something more than fingers and genitals to use in the bedroom (bathroom, kitchen, forest, car….)…

TO MAKE: Household Management System

Some people think that having a binder dedicated to the running of the household is a useful tool to have. I would normally agree, except that in my house, if it’s paper (or walls), it gets drawn on. And while these 4, 6, 8 and 9-year-old beautiful abstract flowers are nice to have, it makes keeping organized impossible!

So, we bought a white board thinking this would solve the problem. That white board is still sitting in my closet and we’ve lived here for three years with the goal of putting it up… In two different ways we’ve tried filing cabinets. I have a rolling drawer one, which is now completely broken and I have a little desktop one that just kinda gets shoved full of papers and then forgotten about.

This is one of those situations that really has me stuck on my goal of creating routine. To create a routine, I need to have a household management system in place. To get a household management system in place, I need some type of routine. It’s a total catch-22/vicious cirlce type of situation. Where do you start? What was first – the chicken or the egg?!?!?

In a Perfect World…

If we lived in a perfect world – well first of all, I would have a job, the kids would be homeschooled and have after-school activities to go to, there’d be a vehicle and a driver’s license, we’d live somewhere else in the world, etc. However, we’ll just use today’s world as an example of how a home management system might work or how I’d like it to work…

First, there’d be a station at the most commonly used door. I’ve seen many variations on this space, but mostly, I’d want:

  • A garbage can for junk mail
  • A mat for shoes to be placed on
  • Hooks for coats and backpacks
  • A table with a bowl for keys and change
  • A mirror
  • A place to put important mail and school stuff that has to be looked at every single day and organized!!

Then, we’d need to figure out some way to keep track of all the things we have to keep track of. Like when certain “days” are at school, when bills are due, when birthdays are and when we should start planning for them… I’ve attempted a variety of different mediums for date tracking (online calendars, wall/fridge calendars, apps, etc.) and none have ever stuck.

Really, I just need to pick a method and then become consistent with it. Do you notice the common theme here? Consistency – I need to be become more consistent in EVERYTHING!!!

I hope to spend the next month really trying to figure out how to make a routine and home management system that will work for us, so that when school starts (especially being that all 4 will be in school and then I’ll be able to think about going back to work soon), we have something in place that will help us keep track of everything. Because I do not need another repeat of the disaster that was last year or the years prior…

Does anyone out there feel like they have an organized life, a consistent routine? Do you think it’s easy to maintain or do you sometimes struggle too?