TO HAVE: A FFM Threesome

For many years of my life, I was kind of known for threesomes. Alfie and I had joked with a friend once about having a threesome and next thing you know, we’re having threesomes constantly. Really, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but every couple of months, pregnant or not, we’d find some poor sucker to join us in the bedroom.

It was probably the only area of Alfie and I’s relationship where we had any clear and defined boundaries. Or at least, that was true for all the MFM threesomes we had. And they were all so uncomplicated. Only one MFM experience was a bad one and even at that, if I were in a different un-pregnated headspace for that one, I probably wouldn’t have ever though it was a bad experience.

However, with women, it was always bad. Twice we tried and twice we failed so miserably that I lost friends and he gained some. I kissed a girl with braces and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. I got insecure with another girl and didn’t like it – he liked it too much. Both times ended with me down in my room crying and him carrying on like nothing had happened…

And you’d think the two bad experiences would turn me off the concept entirely. You’d think I’d be so hung up on it. And yet, here I sit, still wishing I could have a successful FFM threesome.

I don’t know what it is about it that is such an attractant to me, even after my bad experiences. I mean, of course, I just want to be with a woman without a man’s presence. But, I also want to be with a woman with a man’s presence. Something about the duality of it… The feminine and the masculine.

I know what a threesome feels like, and I know what it feels like when it’s two guys. But what does it feel like when it’s two girls and it’s comfortable like it is with two guys? What does it feel like to be getting the best of both genders at the exact same moment?

I need to know!!

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TO DO: Get a Tattoo

I’ve wanted a tattoo, the same tattoo, since I was 13. When I was 13, I was told I couldn’t get it until I could do so without needing a parents permission. When I was 18 and could go get a tattoo, I was pregnant and broke. For the first time, in a really long time, I’m neither broke nor pregnant and I don’t need my parents permission.

However, I have still yet to get my tattoo. This is mostly because of fear (which you can see from previous posts is something I struggle with) but it’s also because now I don’t know what I want first.

My original tattoo, the same one I’ve wanted since I was 13, is a scary first tattoo. First of all, it’s big. Second, it’s on my back, near my kidney-like area. I don’t know if I’ll like tattoo needles or hate them. I keep thinking maybe I should start with something smaller. What I really want is some decorative f-holes like the ones found on a violin, but with my own little flair.

The Boyfriend and I have also always wanted to get matching tattoos representing our kids. Neither of us have ever really thought about a design for that tattoo but we both know that we want something with all the kids first and middle names. I’d like us to get it on the same spot on our bodies, but who knows where.

The Boyfriend already has two tattoos. One on his right bicep and one on his left upper arm.

The Boyfriend's Tattoo

The Boyfriend’s Tattoo

 

The right one is almost like a tribal arm band and the other is a fire-breathing dragon. He also really wants to get another tattoo, either on his back or chest, of an animal and another animal fighting each other (cannot for the life of me remember the two animals and I don’t want to say what I think it is, because I don’t want to be wrong…). At least he knows what to expect…

I always wanted to have a lot of different body modifications and at one point had planned to have my entire body covered in tattoos and about 13 different piercings. Now, I’ve decided against getting anymore piercings, except maybe a couple nipple piercings (although The Boyfriend hates that idea). But tattoos… I know I want at least one big one on each of my arms, I have a huge list of ideas for my back, something near my feet would be awesome, and possibly something on my chest.

I’m quite concerned about stretch marks, since a lot of my back and stomach are covered by them. I’ve always wanted to get a wrap-around tattoo, one that comes over my hips and something right above my pubic area, but with the c-section scar and all the marks, I just don’t think it’s going to be possible. Not and still look relatively decent. Especially as I age.

But f-holes and my family one at the very least!

TO DO: Get Back to Twitter

Forgive me Internet, for I have neglected.

It has been 13 months (exactly!) since I last posted to my personal Twitter account.

Whew! I feel a little bit better. Ugh, now that that weight has been lifted off my shoulders, can I just say, I cannot wait to get back to Twitter. I don’t even know what ever happened to make me stop tweeting…

It’s that time of year where I say that I’m not going to make resolutions then go right on making them all over the place. This year however, I am not living in denial and I am just outright saying that I’m setting some resolutions. Maybe it will result in me actually accomplishing something, who knows?!?

So, my first official resolution for 2015 (and even though I’ve already given it away), drumroll please…

I am totally coming back to Twitter. January 1st, come rain or come shine, no matter what device I’m forced to use, I will be tweeting again!

Until then, be sure to follow me on Twitter and enjoy this collection of 13 of my favorite Twitter memories (for the 13 months I’ve been gone).

TO DO: YouTube…

I’ve always been on YouTube… I’ve always had a channel in one incarnation or another, I’ve always been on YouTube, but I’ve never really stayed on YouTube… And I really have always wanted that to change and over the last couple of months, that desire just keeps growing stronger and stronger. Tonight, it is nagging me very loudly…

I don’t remember when it was that I first joined YouTube, but it was a really long time ago. I initially signed up thinking I wanted to be able to easily save all the videos I was watching and loving. This was way back in the day when I watched a lot of YouTube. Then, when I realized you could upload stuff to YouTube, it didn’t take me long to jump on that bandwagon.

I’m pretty sure my first real-live video on YouTube (which I think I later deleted and only recently recovered from Facebook where I had also uploaded it) was of my then year old daughter Kaeidyn freaking out that I should play “Daddy’s Getting Married” by Bif Naked on the guitar, as I was playing it. Once she realizes, she goes crazy. This was that video:

Next, I uploaded some more guitar playing and eventually deleted my original channel and all the great videos I had amassed doing that (although it was probably only about 13). I came back a few years later with a couple more guitar covers and a few piano covers and a couple videos the kids had made or whatever and then basically just abandoned my channel.

I still have it, but havent uploaded anything to it since my cover of The White Sripes “Fell in Love with a Girl”. I had had this big plan then to come back with a regular occurence of videos and with all these ideas and then life blew up and took a crap all over itself and the idea was abandoned just like the channel.

A few months ago, The Boyfriend started talking about YouTube all the time. He is, as I’ve probably said before, a little obsessed with gaming. He always says that he needs to start making YouTube videos about games. And over the past few weeks, more and more everyday, I’m thinking about how I miss doing the YouTube thing and that I’ve never done it the way that I want to do it and I want to do it…

Now, it’s just a matter of taking the steps that go from thinking to doing, because I’ve done so darn much of the thinking that the only option left is to start some of the doing. And in the last 30 minutes alone, I’ve come up with so many concepts for things that I’d like to be doing, that I just keep saying to myself, “So, just do it…!”.

I also have all of The Erotic Writers Group stuff to consider as well, because more than getting my personal self out on YouTube, I want to get this going without a doubt. I have so many great ideas for The Erotic Writers Group on YouTube. Previously we did our group hangouts “Tuesday Topics” and to a great succes, by my awesomely low standards. And I always wanted to do more…

I have files and files of online documents dedicated to all of my great ideas for all of these great videos for all of these great enterprises (ie. Myself and The Erotic Writers Group, duh!), and I’m sick of sitting on all of it. I’m sick of letting all of these opportunities pass me by.

It’s time to just suck it up and do YouTube!